Thursday, June 24, 2010

Mammaries, all alone in the moonlight

So last week at the crack of dawn, and through no action of my own, I got my ornamental little cupcakes back.

Maybe you are wondering what the hell this has to do with the roast pig. And what cupcakes?

Bear with me.

You know how I'd been going on and on about how Jordan got teeth and I was going to cut him off and that was that and I want my body back and la la la la la?

I was so full of it. I just couldn't do it.

The truth is, he cut back. Once he started really moving, the idea of sitting still long enough to nurse was just unbearable for him.

You can chase a kid around with a bottle. Not so much with your boobs.

So daytime nursings on my days off went out the window. He was still cool with it first thing in the morning and before he went to bed. Which were the best snuggle times anyway.

And then he just stopped being into the nighttime boobfest.

We were down to first thing in the morning. Which was very convenient, because you can still be mostly asleep at 5 am with the nursing. The staggering downstairs to make a bottle? Much more awakey, I've discovered.

And then last week, last week he was just like, "Yeah, no thanks. But what are those? I've never really taken a good look!" Flick! Flick! "And now I think I'll try to twist them like little pink radio dials."

Which was when Mama put them away for good. I knew we were really done.

But the pig!

So here's how the pig figures in. In case you actually want to know.

Have you ever given any thought to the term "suckling pig"?

I never had.

And then one day I looked down at my little boy, and I thought, holy crap! Suckling pig! Is a pig who is still nursing! And they pull him away from his pigmama and conk him over the head (I think) and stick him on a spit and everyone is all, oh, tender!

I asked one of my friends at the pig roast who said yes, absolutely! Suckling pig is the veal of pork!



  1. And this is why I've never understood why restaurants bother to mention that it's suckling pig. Because...

    ...let's face it. Pig is delicious, no matter how old it is. So just tell me that it's pork, and I'll probably order it! Give me too much information, and I'll feel guilty, and wind up leaving, and buying something that a strict fruitarian would find acceptable. Or Twinkies.

  2. Dagny - I really never ever thought about it. And now I'm like, oh, poor little pig! And pass the bacon, please.

  3. The radio dials part made me laugh out loud!

    Yep, suckling pig is a baby pig. I can't do it, I just can't. As Dagny said, call it pork and I'm all over it.

  4. im glad to hear that your boobs are back to just your own!

    and i need to hear more about this pig roast. matt wants to roast his own for his 30th birthday in august.

    hold me.

  5. Yum.
    I'm sure it's bad karma or something, but...

  6. Carla - I looked down and was all, the hell? No, stop that!

    This has me thinking about labeling. It's an interesting thing.

    brookem - It's kind of weird to have them back! Not quite as good as new, but mine all the same!

    My friend Ravi, who is from NC, hosts a pig roast every year. It's an elaborate affair, with an electric spit and something like 24 hours of roasting and such. I can't imagine taking it on myself, but if you want to be put in touch, I will.

    You are going to need some holding, however, I'm sure.

    Susan H - Well, yah. I'm pretty sure that lots of things I indulge in are bad karma.

  7. I'm with the just call it pork crowd. I can't make myself eat lamb either. My husband can't believe I eat gyros with just veggies, but I can't make myself eat lamb.

  8. noooo!

    and congratulations!

    and now I am humming Memory - thanks :)

  9. mmmmm pig, I couldnt do the suckling pig though, mine have to be at least teenagers when they hit the plate lol. Congrats on getting ur boobies back, mine never came back now I am left with these ginormous things that give me neck ache and back ache all the time :( and damn near need their own passports to travel.
    mmmm pig. Sorry havent had breakfast yet :-S

  10. So glad you got your boobies back. And your haircut/color is looking mighty cute.

  11. Haven't eaten pork in years, thanks to a documentary that pointed out pigs are smarter than dogs, about as bright as your average two year old. Just couldn't eat them after that. Which is particularly hard at breakfast, since ham, bacon, sausage is all PORK. (Turkey sausage is pretty good, but there really is no substitute for bacon.)

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  13. Last time there was suckling pig on the menu there he was all shiny and cute, apple in mouth. And so SMALL. And so CUTE! I happen to find baby pigs the cutest things in. the. world. And I just couldn't bring myself to eat him. Which is silly really coz I'm all over bacon and crackling and pork chops, yum. But that little guy, all sad and forlorn? Na!

    And welcome to BLD by the way. My baby gal saw me in the shower this morning and was all 'gaaah, boobies! I see boobies! They are mine, give them to me!" And when I picked her up later she latched straight on to them, like she was reunited with her long lost friends. Sheesh. We have a way to go then!

  14. Lisa - I hadn't thought about lamb, probably because I hate the smell and taste. Btu yah, I guess that's a little baby animal too. Oh, sad!

    Stevie - Thank you and thank you! I am going to get it recolored next week. The cut, I still don't love.

    J. - Oh, goodness. That's dreadful. I knew they were smart, but the comparison to the two-year old makes it very real to me. What clinched it for me with the suckling pig was looking down at my kid. I know he's not a pig but you know what I'm saying. And now I know the average pig is smarter than him for another year!

    Miranda - Baby pigs are adorable. Adorable. The idea of it just kills me.

    And thank you! BLD arrived and it kind of broke my heart. I did not expect that. I expected to celebrate and instead I was very sad.

    The "Booblies, they are mine!" cracks me up! I remember the days when the boobies were the most important thing in his entire world.

  15. Gee, thanks Lisa! Now I have the Sailor Moon theme song stuck in my head.

    (Seriously. Sing your post title to the tune. "Mammaries all alone in the moonlight , suckling away by daylight ....")

  16. I just relived Nate's transition from the boob to the bottle. He never quite figured out how to break suction before he went after the shiny!!!!!


    I'm going to be laughing at suckling pig for days. Thanks for that.

  17. your haircut is looking fabulous!


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