Friday, February 12, 2010
In which I dispense random advice, even though you didn't ask. Alternate title: Love and trench mouth
I was thinking, during the past snowed-in, no-heat week, how important it is to marry someone you really like as a person. Someone you can hang out with for hours and days on end, and still enjoy.
I mean, of course you want to stab them sometimes, and you might hate them intensely in random moments. But overall, you not only love them but really really like who they are at core.
You know, back when I was single and going on multiple Internet dates a week, and totally fed up with miserable dates with people like the crazypants journalist, I wrote a post ranting about how people should get married in their 20s and stick it out.
And I believed it fervently when I wrote it. Even though I'd have been divorced three times or more if I had gotten hitched back then.
I was so glad, when I met Nick, that I'd had all the life experiences (and therapy) that I had. Because I was finally able to be a solid, healthy partner, and work towards a solid, healthy relationship. One that I believe will last (assuming no random stabbing).
I really wanted more time when we got married to just be married and enjoy being the two of us. And of course we had many things, but time was not one of them.
And now we have Big J, and he is the brightest sunshine in our lives.
But it is also kind of like living through war. Not in an air-raid!-under-the-table way. But in a way that no matter how desperately tired and beaten down and cranky you might be, you always have to be in position to respond.
Probably the thing that makes it not like war is that you're facing someone you love more than anything, rather than fighting an enemy. And also, nobody is deliberately trying to kill you.
Although some days it might feel like they are.
And for that, my friends, my best advice is: find the best trench buddy you can. That way, even if you get trench mouth (though honestly, I'm not quite sure what that is) at least you got it from the person you most want to share everything with.
On second thought, maybe best just to not share toothbrushes. Unless you really are stuck in a trench. And you only have one.
Right. So anyway, big hugs and happy Friday!